Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
