omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
