I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
