There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
