Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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