he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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