I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How does one acquire holy water?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
