I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize