the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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