At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
