She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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