So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize
