I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
