Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
