It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize