We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
