someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
