I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
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I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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