remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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