Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
