Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
