The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
