Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
