If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
