Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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