There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
honey bunches of taint.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
