i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
