life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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