Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
