Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
