I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
