I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
