ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
