did you get engaged???
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
