Are we in a gay sports bar?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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