I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
