The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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