I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
