I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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