She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
