i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Small penises have feelings too.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
