Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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