i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Acid is not a monday night drug
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
