also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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