worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize