The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
