I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
