so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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