I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
