Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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