Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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