I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The air taste purple.
Randomize
