I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize