My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
