The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
