Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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