the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
