There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm too high and old for this...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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