Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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