i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
