i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
smell my finger.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
