shes about as inviting as chlamydia
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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