my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
