she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
