I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
