break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
