If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
