planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
