I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
