I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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