My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
