I CAN MOONWALK!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
